Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
