idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
