Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
