Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
