and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
