I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
