Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
