Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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