This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
