wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
