So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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