he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
