My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
