when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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