Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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