Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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