I wish I only lived at night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
