My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
