Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
