Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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