So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize