You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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