whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
