can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
