I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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