i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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