Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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