dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
