508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
