she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you inspire me to be a worse person
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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