Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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