Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
