"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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