my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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