8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just invented taco cereal.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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