I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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