Rock
Scissors
Fuck
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
