I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
