Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
