College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
