u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.