would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
