i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
