Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
