I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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