it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
