Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
