even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
