If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
