Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
