we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
