hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
