This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
