He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My ATM looks so different sober.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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