Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
