Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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