Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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