Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
