Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
