I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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