everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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