Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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