How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
