Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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