Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
