is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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