Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's always time for handjobs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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