i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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