youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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