it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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