He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
