I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
