You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
