I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
