I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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