why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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