Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
